Confettis of words

the bits and sketches in life

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118 He is

He is

the flame that burnt
until the very last;

the warmth that lingers on your skin
and the pure glow that refuses to leave.

The cadence that lulls you to sleep.

Á¾Çö, °¨¹Ì·Î¿î ¹«´ë

for Jjong.


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116 On New Year’s Resolutions


I know it’s still too early to talk about new year’s resolutions, but I want to write this post because I really can’t wait for 2018. I can’t wait to reset my life and start anew. 2017 has been fun, but there are some things that could have been better for me (especially work-related stuffs). I also think I kinda messed up my priorities this year. Too much playing apparently.

In order to achieve more in 2018, I want to organize things better by using a bullet journal. Inspired by Uti, I bought a Leuchtturm1917 journal (the emerald one, which I loooove so much) and design the layout by myself (of course I got some ideas from the net). Why do I opt for a bullet journal instead of just a common planner? The first reason is I want to make my 2018 journal more personal so that I can collect all of my ideas, schedules, and experience in one place. Secondly, making layout is actually theurapetic? Yes, it needs more efforts, but designing the pages and drawing boxes and lines are actually fun to do.

I still can’t specify my resolutions for 2018. Yet I know I have to focus on my research. My colleague and I have this amazing research idea, and this project is quite big. So I guess I have to put extra focus, sweat and tears on that hahaha.

Man, I’m so stoked about 2018.

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115 “Why do you always look so happy?”

“Why do always look so happy? I rarely see you complaining.” A colleague said this to me several days ago. I could only comment, “Really? Do I?”, because I won’t consider myself a 24-hour bright and cheerful person. I’d even consider my default self as a very melancholic person. If only my colleague knew that my brain can’t stop thinking about things and it often gives me the unnecessary mind burden.

But the thing is, I’m good at concealing my emotions in public. I don’t think I feel the need to expose my deepest thoughts and emotions. Some might view this as a trait of dishonesty, but this is how I see it: I treasure my emotions and I only reveal them when I think it’s necessary and only to people whom I highly trust. Again, this is a matter of me and my (sometimes annoying) trust issues.

About the never complaining thing, I guess it’s because I vent my frustration in other channels: in blog, diary, and social media (especially Twitter). I feel a lot better after putting my thoughts in written forms since writing has always been theurapetic for me. Having hobbies also helps, really, even the so-called shallow hobby like fangirling over K-pop idols. Read books, drink good coffee, have a solo trip, talk to my beloved, enjoy art: I do those to cheer up my mood.

Life is also a roller-coaster for me. I don’t feel happy all the time, but I try to think that it is okay. It is completely okay and it is acceptable to feel other emotions beside happiness. That’s what makes us human in the end, doesn’t it?


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109 My 2016

Personally, 2016 has been a year full of learning for me. Not only that I gained a lot of knowledge and experience, but I also learned how to manage my various emotions and deal with people with different personalities, ideas and background. Can’t help but being grateful for that. And eventhough 2016 is a heartbreaking year in general for the world, if we look back and try to see things with a clearer perspective, there are still many awesome things to be happy about. So here’s mine:

Attending Literary Festival/Seminars


The highlight of the year is obviously Singapore Writers Festival I attended in November. It’s a whole week festival that invited many writers, critics and experts in publishing industry, and although I only attended five sessions, I feel that I’ve got so many things to study and contemplate about. Another huge step for me is when I presented my paper in a national conference. I can say I’m proud of myself for that 🙂

Museum Trips


I went to Singapore several times this year, and I used the chances to visit at least one museum during each trip. I managed to visit three: Singapore Art Museum, Singapore National Museum and The National Gallery. My favourite exhibition is Artists and Empire at The National Gallery, personally because I always have a huge interest on the issues of colonialism.

Meeting new people

I don’t always feel comfortable when talking to strangers in social media. However, I feel so blessed that in 2016 I met many wonderful and talented people in Twitter (you know who you are!). Conversation with them is not only fun but also meaningful, and I think now I know better how to build a healthy online friendship 🙂



Take That in March, B.A.P in June and SHINee in November. All were fantastic, all were unforgettable. Attending concerts is always one big source of happiness in my life.

Receiving a special award

After working as a lecturer for almost 8 years, I feel so appreciated when receiving a special award for the lecturer with the best performance in one semester. I took this a challenge to improve even better for the next terms *inserts the muscular arm emoji*

So what will 2017 bring? I pray that it’ll be a year of nothing but awesomeness, health and wonderful experiences. I already have two major things to be excited about, which are SHINee Japan concert in March (my birthday month, yay!) and TVXQ’s comeback! Hopefully all of our plans will go as expected, and we will all be much, much happier in 2017 ♡♡♡

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108 “30 Day Writing Challenge” Day 18

30 Facts about Myself

1. Suka banget nasi kotak. Jadi setiap nyokap ke kondangan/arisan, jatah nasi kotaknya disimpen buat gue.

2. Luluh sama cowo yang memancarkan aura bertanggungjawab. Makanya gue klepek-klepek gak karuan sama Yunho 😛

3. Tertarik sama budaya Inggris zaman Edward karena masa transisi dari zaman Victorian ke zaman modern. Pergolakan nilai-nilainya menarik banget untuk dikaji.

4. Gue cukup terbuka sama nilai-nilai modern, tapi di saat bersamaan masih berpikiran tradisional, terutama tentang seks dan pernikahan.

5. Cukup sering merasa insecure sama berat badan. Takut terlalu kurus lah, takut terlalu gemuk lah.

6. Suka banget diskusi dan bertukar pikiran, dengan catatan yang diajak diskusi orangnya gak ngototan.

7. Selalu berusaha menjauhi konflik dan ribut-ribut di dunia maya karena terlalu malas untuk debat pake keyboard.

8. Gol saat ini: bisa nerbitin tulisan di jurnal akademik level internasional dan punya kulit wajah yang cling kayak idol Korea.

9. Topik skripsi gue tentang homoseksualitas, dan topik tesis gue tentang transgender. Harapannya bisa nulis disertasi tentang maskulinitas.

10. Percaya sama prinsip ‘you have to give back to the world.’ Sekecil apapun yang lo berikan, lo harus menyumbang sesuatu untuk bikin dunia jadi lebih baik.

11. Dulu punya cita-cita nikah muda, tapi apa daya belum ada yang berjodoh hahaha.

12. Pengen belajar bahasa di negara asalnya. Gue pengen belajar bahasa Spanyol, Wales, Korea dan Thailand.

13. Gampang nangis kalo baca novel atau nonton film yang ada unsur keluarganya.

14. Kata orang-orang yang kenal gue, gue perhatian sama hal-hal kecil.

15. Sering naksir sama cowok Aquarius, baik yang beneran maupun yang fangirling.

16. Suka suasana airport.

17. Bagian tubuh yang bikin pede: kaki sama rahang. Yang bikin gak pede: perut sama dagu.

18. Kalau disuruh milih kota luar negeri mana yang pengen ditinggalin, gue pilih Yokohama.

19. Tipe pemikir dan perencana, dan bukan tipe yang suka tampil di depan.

20. Sekarang gak mau terlalu investasi perasaan (dan uang!!!) ke idol K-pop. Been there, done that, dan sudah lelah.

21. My gig bucket list: The Strokes, Manic Street Preachers, The Kills, The Last Shadow Puppets, Interpol dan Young Fathers.

22. Kadang-kadang pengen keliatan kecil, cute dan manis, tapi gak bisa karena tinggi badan …

23. I LOVE LOVE LOVE TVXQ (noted, underlined, bolded: Yunho and Changmin). They’re not just idols for me, but an inspiration to work harder, to be better and to reach higher.

24. Lebih suka nulis pake bolpen biru daripada hitam.

25. Kalo lagi liburan ke luar, selalu nyempetin ke museum dan galeri.

26. A stationery junkie!!! Makanya buat gue LOFT sama Tokyu Hands itu surga banget.

27. I don’t like seeing too many tabs in browser.

28. I think men look the best when they wear a white button-up shirt with folded sleeves ❤

29. Sering sekali disangka keturunan Asia Timur karena punya mata sipit, padahal aslinya berdarah Jawa Tengah dan Manado.

30. Gak mahir nulis fiksi, lebih pede kalo disuruh nulis artikel atau esai ilmiah.

Okay! That’s 30 facts about me. What do we have for tomorrow, I wonder … Ah, it’s about first love! 😁

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108 “30 Day Writing Challenge” Day 17

Post about your zodiac sign and whether or not it fits you.

Actually I don’t really believe in horoscope things, but sometimes it’s interesting enough to see whether someone really fits the characteristics of their zodiac sign or not.

Mine is Aries, and according to this site, here are some of Arians’ characteristics:

Aries Strength Keywords:

– Independent
– Generous
– Optimistic
– Enthusiastic
– Courageous

Aries Weakness Keywords:

– Moody
– Short tempered
– Self-involved
– Impulsive
– Impatient

About the strength first, yes I do feel that I’m an independent person. If I can do things all by myself, I won’t ask help from other people. Most of the times I also feel more comfortable doing my work individually than in a team. I don’t really think I’m that courageous though. Sometimes I refrain myself from doing things because I’m too afraid to face the consequences. I don’t really have the courage to take risks.

Now to the weakness. I can’t deny the ‘moody’ one because sometimes I can be like that. The ‘self-involved’ trait, I’ll say yeah, I’m too often

wrapped in my own thoughts. But the ‘impatient’ characteristic … not really. I think I’m one of the most patient people I’ve ever known hahaha.

Another trait of Arians that also doesn’t fit me is the desire to be always on the spotlight. Nah, it’s not me. I never feel comfortable being on the spotlight. I prefer to stay in the back and observe things 🙂

Day 18 will be 30 facts about myself. I often write about that actually (I think once in my Twitter?), so I’m gonna find more interesting facts for tomorrow’s post!